Official HALLOWEEN Parody

Released by Zero Tolerance Entertainment in June 2011, this film was “written” and directed by Gary Orona and produced by Tabitha Stevens (who also has a brief cameo as a crazy woman). It opens with a rather good approximation of the real Halloween theme and credits, and then takes us to Haddonfield, Illinois on Halloween 1999. We get a POV shot of someone watching through a window as Judith Myers (played by Lexi Swallow) makes out on the couch in her home with an unnamed guy (played by Dane Cross). She takes him upstairs to her bedroom and, after a sexy striptease for him, they have sex on her bed. Afterwards, the man gets dressed and leaves, while Judith lays there naked on her bed, masturbating. Another POV shot as her brother Michael walks in on her. Strangely, Judith doesn’t seem all that concerned that her little brother is watching her, but then he pulls out a knife and kills her (the kill is off-camera, as are all the subsequent murder scenes in this film).

Flash forward to Oct. 30th, 15 years later, at the Bellevue Aslyum in Bellevue Illinois, where Michael Myers has been kept all this time. Dr. Loomis (James Batholet) is explaining Michael’s history to Nurse Nicky (Carina Roman aka Karina O’Reilley), who seems to get turned on by hearing about Michael’s evil deeds. Then, during a distraction, Michael steals Nurse Nicky’s car keys and escapes, and Loomis is sure that Michael is heading back to Haddonfield. We then flash forward to the next day in Haddonfield and see Laurie Strode (Chanel Preston) leaving to go drop off some keys in the old Myers House for her parents, who are trying to sell it. Laurie is nervous going there, because of how creepy the old house is. Michael (played by Mark Wood) is in the house (dressed in his trademark overalls and mask) and sees Laurie. Meanwhile, back at the asylum, Loomis is talking about Michael to Nurse Nicky, who gets turned on again, and tries to seduce him. She takes his pants off and gives him a blowjob, bringing him to completion. I could have done without this scene, as Batholet isn’t much of a “porn star”. Thankfully, the doctor who runs the asylum (also played by Mark Wood) comes in when they’re finished, and Loomis puts his pants back on and rushes out to go after Michael (why did he wait until the next day to do that?), and then because Nurse Nicky is still horny he takes over and has sex with her, in what is a much better scene.

Then we see Laurie with her friends Annie (Dana DeArmond) and Lynda (Lexi Belle) who are talking about meeting their boyfriends at Annie’s house to have sex that night. Laurie plans to just stay home and read a book, and the other girls mock her for being a virgin. Lynda invites her to join them that night, saying she’ll get her boyfriend to have sex with Laurie, but Laurie declines. We see Loomis at the Myers house, meeting with the local Sheriff (Anthony Rosano), trying to warn him about Michael. That night, Annie is at her home cooking. For some reason she’s topless (not that I’m complaining). When she hears her dog barking at something, she accidentally spills something on her pants, and takes them off (still no complaints), then goes to put them in her washing machine. Michael shows up (somehow he gets in the house) and when she sees him she assumes he’s her boyfriend Larry and then strips off her panties and then puts a rag around her eyes like a blindfold and takes him into the living room and has sex with Michael (who takes off his overalls but keeps his mask on) on the couch. It should be noted that this sex scene includes anal, for those who are into it. Afterward she takes off her blindfold, and realizes Michael is not Larry, and he kills her.

Lynda and Bob (Kris Slater) show up at Annie’s house, but the lights are out so they don’t see her body on the couch, they just head straight upstairs to the bedroom and have sex. Afterward, Bob goes downstairs to get some water, and that’s when Michael appears and kills him and then, just like the original, Michael puts a sheet over him like a ghost, and goes upstairs to kill Lynda. That’s when Laurie, who was alone and getting horny, decides to go over to Annie’s to get laid, but sees all the dead bodies and runs back to her house, only to be followed by Michael, who chases here through the house. Just as Michael corners her in a bedroom and is about to stab her, Loomis appears and shoots Michael 4 times, who falls to the other side of the bed. But then a few seconds later, Michael’s disappeared.

Despite the disappearance, Loomis is convinced that “the evil is gone.” Loomis leaves to go find other evil, and Laurie is left with the Sheriff watching her. Laurie takes a shower, and then comes on to the Sheriff and takes him to her room to have sex, in what is the best scene in the film. After the sex there is a bit of a twist ending, which I won’t spoil even though I know nobody watches these films for the storylines.

As a parody of John Carpenter’s Halloween, which is one of my favorite horror films, it’s lacking in several aspects. Not much character development, Loomis is played as a somewhat comedic character, and it doesn’t do much to establish that it’s actually taking place on Halloween. I understand that this being an adult film they couldn’t have any children in it, so no one is trick or treating, and Laurie isn’t babysitting anyone. But they could have at least put a few more Halloween decorations in Laurie’s and Annie’s homes, maybe even had the ladies wearing costumes, to enhance the atmosphere. It’s also hard to accept Laurie is a virgin, considering how hot Chanel Preston is. Plus there’s the fact that she’s got breast implants and tattoos, and when she has sex with the Sheriff, she’s pretty wild and uninhibited, talking dirty, despite it supposed to be her first time. Also it looks like they use two different masks for Michael, as the one he’s wearing when having sex with Annie looks different later on when he’s chasing Laurie (the fake hair looks much longer). But as a porn film it’s decent enough. Aside from the aforementioned Bartholet/Roman BJ scene, all the sex scenes are pretty good. CHACEBOOK RATING: 4 STARS

The DVD also includes a half-hour Behind The Scenes featurette, showing the filming of the sex scenes, rehearsals, and some brief interviews with the cast, including Preston, DeArmond, and Belle discussing the merits of shaved testicles and oral sex. There’s also a featurE that just shows the popshots of each sex scene, a photo gallery, and a collection of trailers from other Zero Tolerance films.


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