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Robin: Thief of Wives

I don’t usually review hardcore porn films but I was inspired to rewatch this one today. I just finally watched the 2018 Robin Hood film starring Taron Egerton and Jamie Foxx. And I loved it! Well, I liked it a lot. Maybe my expectations were lower than usual because of the bad reviews that it got. Every single review that I found said it sucked. So maybe because it just wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I expected it to be, I enjoyed it? I don’t know, I guess I’d have to watch it again to find out.

But I think it also helps that I’m a Robin Hood fan. I’ve always enjoyed stories of the character. And I have specific ideas about how I think the character should be written and portrayed in order to please modern fans. I say if Green Arrow can star in a successful TV series for 8 seasons, and Hawkeye could be a major figure in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, then there’s no reason that the original heroic archer can’t be a success for today’s audience either. Perhaps I’ll write about that in a later post.

For now, instead of writing my own review of that latest film, I thought I’d review this 1996 hardcore porn film, which I’ve always enjoyed. This film takes its name from the Kevin Coster film Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, which came out the year before and was a blockbuster hit. And this is not an American film, this is an Italian porn film, shot on location and entirely in Italian, despite two of its main stars being American porn actors. The funny thing is, I only own the original Italian film on DVD, and that’s the only version I’ve ever seen. It is for sale in America, with the voices dubbed in English, but I’ve never seen that version. Nevertheless, it’s relatively easy enough for me to watch and tell what’s going on in the story, despite not knowing what anyone is actually saying.

The film is written by Robert Lyon and directed by the Late Joe D’Amato. D’Amato was somewhat of an Italian Joe Wynorski. Over the course of an over 30-year career, he directed a ton of films in many genres, horror, action, softcore, and hardcore, often low-budget. The film stars American porn actor Mark Davis in the title role, with fellow American Sean Michaels as the corrupt Sherriff of Nottingham. Rounding out the cast is a list a group of Italian actors. Silvio Evangelista is the evil Prince (King?) John. Shalimar plays Maid Marian, while Sheila Stanton, Eva Dionisio, Nicolette, and Stefania Sartori play various women in the town. The twist on this version of the classic tale is that the King and Sherrif make all the women in town wear chastity belts, that only they have the key to. And the men in town have to pay a special tax in order to be allowed to have sex with their own wives. Meanwhile, both the King and Sherrif frequently help themselves to any woman they want to have sex with.

That’s where Robin Hood comes in, he steals the keys and uses them to release women from their chastity belts, upon which the women typically express their gratitude with sex. Eventually, the King finds out what’s going on, and with the help of a jealous townswoman, he kidnaps Marian and then challenges Robin Hood to an archery contest, at which the rightful King, Richard, returns and takes back his throne and pardons Robin, allowing him and Marian to be together.

And they all lived happily ever after.

So as a “Robin Hood story” it’s admittedly quite lacking. I mean, Robin himself doesn’t even show up until half an hour into the film. None of his Merry Men appear and, the biggest omission of all, there’s a significant lack of actual archery in the film. But as a porn film it’s pretty good.

There are nine sex scenes in this film. Mark Davis is in four of them, two with Shalimar, one with Nicolette, and one with Stefania Sartori. Of these, I find the hottest one to be his scene with Sartori.

Sean Michaels and Shiela Stanton have a scene together. And there’s a scene where Michaels has sex with Eva Dionisio while Silvio Evangelista has a “foursome” with Stanton, Nicolette, and Stefania Sartori (the King sits on his throne while each woman takes turns kneeling before him and sucking his cock and then sitting on him and riding his cock). Each scene would have been hot by themselves, but the film switches back and forth between the two scenes, which is a little distracting to me.

Silvio Evangelista also has a blowjob scene with Nicolette (he wanted to have sex, but Robin Hood had stolen the chastity belt key at that point so he to just have her finish him off with her mouth) and then a later scene where he goes down on her for a little bit (after the King retrieved the key, Robin had her put some kind of sleeping potion in her pussy so it would knock the King out so they could steal it again). But for him, the highlight is a threesome he has with Shalimar and Stefania Sartori. That’s the hottest scene in the film, in my opinion.

Most of the sex scenes include anal sex and end with facials, and they’re all well-shot. They are what makes this film worth watching, even if you can’t understand the dialog. Chacebook rating: FIVE STARS

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