As I’m starting to write this, I haven’t re-watched this episode yet, I just wanted to explain my thoughts on this first. Hot Springs Hotel is a softcore series that aired for one 15-episode season in 1997. Created by Ana Clavell, James Glenn Dudelson, & Lanny Horn the series starred Samantha Phillips, a popular Penthouse Pet at the time, and Robert Vitelli as Kat and Randy Matthis, two siblings who inherit a small hotel in Desert Hot Springs, CA., from their aunt, and move there to run it. And each episode featured them interacting (which often meant having sex) with various guests. The other recurring stars were Glori Gold and Marco Revivo as hotel employees Lacey and Theo.

But even among softcore aficionados such as myself, this show is not talked about as much as softcore shows of the era, like Beverly Hills Bordello or The Pleasure Zone. Personally, from what I remember, I thought it was one of the weaker entries of the genre. I think the main reason is that it’s supposed to be a comedy, and it’s a very silly comedy. And that can work in softcore (see most of Jim Wynorski’s 2000s output), but I didn’t watch it for laughs. I watched it because I was a teenager and back in those prehistoric days, late-night cable was my only opportunity to see titties.

So after it was over I mostly forgot about it. I don’t think aired in reruns much like many of the other shows did, so even though I know I watched the whole season, I can barely remember any storylines from it.

So I decided to revisit the series today and see if maybe it’s better than I remember it was. Now I’m going to watch the first episode, and then I’ll finish writing this review.

Okay, I watched it.

Well, it’s not worse than I remembered.

First, I totally forgot about the theme song. Yeah, not theme music, but a theme song. An original song was written specifically for the show, which lays out the premise in its lyrics.

Randy and Kat, livin’ in a flat, all by themselves.
A telegram said, Aunt Betty’s dead, come run the hotel. 

Randy’s kinda horny, always feelin’ lonely, Kat’s on his tail.
Lacey’s goin’ crazy, Theo’s always lazy, Hot Springs Hotel

You’ll never wanna check out once you’re there.
The girls are hot and crazy, and practically bare

Yeah, this is all sung like a country pop song. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the singer’s name in the credits.

So this first episode is the setup. Randy is home alone when a woman (Deanna Merryman) shows up with a telegram for him and Kat. Although it’s not a singing telegram, Randy asks her to sing it for him which she agrees to do. And that’s how he finds out that his Aunt Betty has just died and left them her hotel. Randy is so broken up by the news of his aunt’s death that he immediately tries to have sex with the telegram woman, but she pushes him away stating that she’s “not the kinda girl who makes love on a couch.” So Randy jumps up and reveals that the couch folds out into a sofa bed, and then the woman has sex with him.

That scene right there is how I remember sex scenes tended to happen on this show.

Kat walks in just as Randy and the woman finish. They read the telegram together and neither of them even knows who “Aunt Betty” is, but head out to Desert Springs to claim their inheritance. Along the way they see Theo standing on the side of the road hitchhiking, with a sign that says “Will work for food” strapped around his neck, so they pick him up. They arrive at the hotel and sign the documents to own it. Then Lacy just shows up (no explanation of where she’s from or how she got there but she’s apparently a friend of Kat’s) and the four of them look around the hotel, amazed at how large it is (Randy immediately brags to Theo about how owning a hotel is sure to get him laid), but Kat laments that it’s in the middle of nowhere. They meet a creepy-looking dude named Derek (not listed in the credits), who has a gun on him and says he’s the hotel manager and was just out shooting road runners. Then the next thing you know we see Randy taking a pictures of group of 8 sexy women, who he introduces to Kat and Lacey as their new staff. Nope, there’s no explanation for where those women came from.

The episode jumps to one month later. Kat’s in her office with Lacey, complaining that the hotel is deep in debt and they’re not making enough money to pay it off. Lacy suggests letting the estate auditor take over the hotel and just cash out, but Kat’s never owned anything before and doesn’t want to give up. Lacey gets a call from a customer complaining about their room service order being an hour late, and we see it’s because the woman who’s supposed to be delivering it is instead in another room having sex with Randy.

Later, Randy is in Kat’s office with her and Lacey, crunching some numbers, and they conclude that they’re going to have to sell the hotel after, and Kat gets ready for the auditor to arrive. Randy tells Theo to call all the women he can to invite them over for a big party. If they’re gonna go out, he wants to go out with a bang.

Dustin Stevens plays Mr. Kent, the auditor. He meets with Kat and Randy, goes over their books, and recommends they shut down, saying he’ll have to recommend that their bank cuts off their credit. They’re disappointed but accept the news. But then as he walks around the hotel, Mr. Kent is astonished to see that it’s filled with dozens of hot women (and only women) all in bikinis and skimpy outfits. Three women in string bikinis take him to a room, sit him in a chair, and give him a three-way lapdance, eventually taking their tops off. As leaves, Mr. Kent tells Kat that he’s changed his mind and recommends that she keep the hotel open (presumably that means he makes the bank keep their credit line going, although that’s not mentioned). Kat and Randy celebrate. THE END

Other than the nudity, the only thing distinguishing this episode from a cheap network sitcom is the lack of a laugh track. The stories and the characters are just silly, and nobody is winning any acting awards. The two full sex scenes are decent, but nothing special. The best I can give this episode is a Chacebook rating of THREE STARS

Jason Majercik is selling this UNRATED 2-disc DVD set of Hot Springs Hotel season 1 for $19.99. Email him at quinn_nash@hotmail.com for his softcore inventory list.