SOFTCORE FILMS

THE NAKED DETECTIVE

This is an old softcore classic, originally released back in 1996. Written by Ken Dashow, who also has a small but significant role in the film, and directed by Ernest G. Sauer this stars Jim “J.B.” Gardiner as Sam Drake, a Private Detective, in the mold of classic pulp characters. He is hired to find out who is trying to kill Hearthcore Higglesbottom (Dashow), an very old rich man, whom everyone just calls “Higgie”. Drake moves into Higgie’s vast mansion, and meets the rest of the family. In addition to Higgie, there’s his son, Junior (Gregory Tracy), a shy and weird man, who spends most of his time spraying bug spray around the estate, and Junior’s wife, Irene (Julia Parton), who treats Junior with contempt, and is clearly only with him for his father’s money. There’s also Higgie’s 4th wife, Roxanne (Taylor St. Clair), and three servants: the butler, Carlo (John Altamura), the maid/cook Jane (Carolyn Renee Smith), and Higgie’s personal nurse, Annie (Camille Donatacci aka Camille Grammer…yes, THAT Camille Grammer). When Higgie drops dead during dinner, apparently having been poisoned, Sam sticks Higgie’s body in the freezer to preserve it, while he tries to figure out who killed him and how.

The women in this house are all voluptuous and over-sexed, something Sam takes full advantage of during his stay in the mansion. On his first night, before he even knows who she is, he is seduced by Irene. The night Higgie dies, he is then seduced by Annie. Irene seduces him again later and they have sex in the shower. And then he’s seduced by Jane in the kitchen. Strangely, there is no sex scene between Sam and Roxanne, even though she blatantly flirts with him in the beginning of the film, and even exposes her bare breasts to him. But Sam does spy on her having sex with Carlo. Also, Annie seduces Junior, giving him the confidence to finally stand up to Irene. We also learn that Carlo and Jane are secretly have an affair, but they don’t get a sex scene. But each of the sex scenes we do get are awesome, thanks to the women in them. They’re shot very artistically, with slow motion, with great mood-setting music (credited to Joey Mennonna). The best scenes are the ones with Parton and, of course, Camille Grammer (damn, I can see why Kelsey married her…).

I won’t spoil the ending, but I’ll confirm that Sam does figure out who killed Higgie, and we get a mostly happy ending. This is one of the best softcore films I’ve watched. It gets a Chacebook rating of 5 STARS

Available on Amazon.

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