SOFTCORE FILMS

THE GREAT BIKINI BOWLING BASH

Retromedia presents this latest softcore extravaganza from writer/director Dean McKendrick. Sophia Bella stars as Candy, who lives in a small town and owns a bowling alley that she inherited from her father. The film opens with Candy and her friends Jenn (Krissy Lynn) and Matt (Eric Masterson) bowling. Jenn is also a waitress at the alley, while Matt is just a customer. Matt asks Candi where her friend Lucy is, and Candi tells him that Lucy’s out on a blind date.

Cut to Lucy’s (Mary Carey) place, where she’s making out with her date Travis (Frankie Cullen), which leads to them having sex on the coach. This is about 5 minutes into the film, so at least McKendrick isn’t wasting any time in giving the audience what it wants. Once the sex is over, Travis gets dressed and hurries out, clearly having gotten all he wanted from Lucy. Lucy goes to the bowling alley to commiserate with her friends about how hard it is to find a good man in that small town, with Lucy oblivious to Matt’s interest in her. But then Candy’s landlord Mr. Grabowski (Mike Gaglio) comes in. He tells Lucy that he’s gotten an offer to sell the land that the bowling alley is on, and that it means Lucy will have to shut down the business in a month.

Candy goes to see her boyfriend Frank (Ryan Driller), a law student, to see if he can help her. But first they have sex. Afterward he looks at her contract with Grabowski and says there’s nothing she can, because he has the legal right to sell the land, and that the new owners won’t be under any obligation to honor her lease. Back at the bowling alley, Jenn and Lucy try to figure out how to help Candy. Jenn suggest that they put on a bowling competition, where they’ll all wear bikinis, and charge people to come watch them play, and bet on the winners. Lucy thanks that’s a great idea, and the two women hug and then have sex.

When they tell Candy their idea, she agrees, and they host the Great Bikini Bowling Bash. It’s a big success, and they raise over $5000, but Mr. Grabowski reveals that the price he’s been offered is $3 million, so that’s nowhere near enough. Candy reads in the paper that Troy Smith, the national bowling champion is being interviewed in a nearby town. Troy is from the same town as them, and learned how to bowl in that alley from Candy’s father. She figures that he might be willing to help her out since he can easily afford the $3 million (do professional bowlers really make that much? Nevermind), and she expects him to be grateful for learning how to bowl there. So Jenn volunteers to go talk to Troy.

She goes to the TV station and meets Troy (Frankie Dell) backstage and tells him about the trouble with the bowling alley. She has sex with him, in order to convince him to help. But afterward, when she takes him back to the bowling alley to meet the others, he changes his mind and says he won’t give Candy the money after all. So Candy makes a deal with him, she challenges him to a 3 on 1 bowling match, him against her, Jenn, and Lucy. If they win (or at least tie), he’ll give her the $3 million to save the bowling alley, but if he wins he gets to have sex with all 3 of them at once. Troy agrees, and the match is set for 2 weeks later.

During those two weeks, Matt, whom it turns out is a great bowler, trains the 3 ladies. They practice 8 hours a day. The night before the match, Lucy takes Matt back to her place to thank him for all his training, and he finally confesses his feeling for her, and they have sex. Back at Jenn’s place, she and Candy are relaxing, and Jenn offers to give Candy a massage for her sore muscles. That massage quickly turns to sex.

Without spoiling dramatic moments of the final bowling match (like y’all really care about that part), the ladies win, Troy gives Candy the $3 million to buy the land, plus an extra million so she can fix the place up. Matt and Lucy announce that they’re eloping, and head off to Las Vegas, while Candy, Jenn, and Frank celebrate with a threesome. THE END.

Okay, so the premise of the film is stupid, but who cares? You don’t watch a film like this for the story, you watch if for the sex scenes. This film has 6 sex scenes in it, and all of them are hot. In particular, the two lesbian scenes and the threesome, and you can never go wrong with Mary Carey. Like most of McKendrick’s films, it’s relatively short, about an hour and 16 minutes, but it gets right to the point. I’m giving this one FIVE STARS

Available on Amazon

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