SOFTCORE TELEVISION

PLAYBOY’S BEDTIME STORIES

I’m going really old school with this. All the way back to 1987. The feature was produced by Playboy, and it’s a collection of Five of the short “Ribald Classics” that they used to air on The Playboy Channel. Each feature is a little morality play with some kind of “twist” at the end. Strangely, and disappointingly, this DVD does offer many credits. Like it doesn’t tell us any of the actor’s names or who is the narrator. There is a framing sequence that ties these tales together. It’s night time and couple is in bed. The man is busy reading the stocks in the newspaper, and doesn’t pay attention to the sexy woman (whom I recognize as Julia Parton) who gets into bed with him, wearing a see-through lacy nightgown. After trying and failing to get the man’s attention, she grabs a large book (Ribald Classics) and decides to read that. The man is intrigued and so they read the stories together. So after the short opening there are more short bits in-between each feature, showing the couple discussing each story,

THE VIRGIN’S CUP
Produced by Diana and Nicholas Webster, adapted by Julie Neilson, photographed by Stan Lazan
This is described as an Hungarian folks tale. It takes place at the castle of a Duke who has been called way, leaving his “nubile” daughters Magda and Ava alone. Ava has gotten sick, so Monda has called the new town doctor. The doctor arrives and is amazed at how beautiful the sisters are. Magda greats him at the door wearing a see-through robe with nothing underneath it, and the narrator tells us it’s because she often lacks “maidenly modesty. Her sister Ava however is very shy and when the doctor comes to see her, where she is laying in bed, she’s afraid to remove her covers. So the doctor gives her a potion to make her sleep. After she takes it and lays back, the doctor removes her nightgown and examines her nude body, getting aroused. Then he assures Magda that Ava has simple “muscle tension” and should feel better in the morning thanks to the potion he gave her. Magda then offers to let the doctor spend the night in the castle and the doctor slips some of the potion into some tea, which he gives to Magda and urges her to drink before going to sleep herself. Then he secretly watches through her bedroom door as she undresses. Later, after she’s asleep, and knocked out from the potion, the doctor sleeps into her room naked and has his way with her.

The next day he wakes up and goes to check on Ava again. He’s told that Magda went out to collect eggs to make breakfast. Ava is still too shy to let the doctor check on her, so he gives her some more of the potion, a smaller amount this time. And after she is knocked out, he strips her nude again and then takes his clothes off and has sex with her. Afterward he gets dressed and then Magda shows up with breakfast, and Ava wakes up. The sister reveal that they didn’t actually take the potion, they were just faking it, because they wanted to have sex with the doctor. And they all have a good laugh about it. According to the narrator, the sister who call the doctor back many times for his “special services.

Well, as hot as the scenes were (and as beautiful as the two unnamed actresses who played Magda and Ava were), it’s hard to give this feature a good rating. I mena, damn, this is RAPE! The doctor was willing to drug his patients and have sex with them against their will! Hungary has got some effed up folks tales, man. It’s hard to imagine something like this even making it on TV today. So I’m just not rating this one.

THE FARMER’S DAUGHTER
Directed by Sam Weston, written by Amanda Raymond, photographed by John Durlam

This story is set sometime in past, and has two salesmen, Regis who is the experienced older man and Joe, the inexperienced younger man. They come across an old farm in the middle of nowhere, and both men are entranced by the local farmgirl, Mazy. But her father. Cletus, is an old overprotective man who first greets them with a shotgun. On Mazy’s insistence, the father takes Regis inside for something to eat. While Cletus is keeping his eye on Regis, Mazy sneaks out back into the barn with Joe, and has sex with him. It’s Joe’s first time, and the scene is filmed very tenderly, as they make love in the hay. Because it looks like rain, Mazy convinces her Cletus to let Regis and Joe sleep in the bar overnight. That night, Regis sneaks into the house and into Mazy’s bedroom, and she seems ready for him, but just before they can have sex Cletus comes knocking on the door to check on Mazy, and Regis has to jump out the window and back to the barn. So the next morning, Regis offers Cletus some alcohol, in hopes of getting him drunk so Regis can have his shot with Mazy, but instead they both get drunk, while once again Mazy sneaks into the barn to have sex with Joe. When Regis comes to, he tries to get with Mazy again, but Cletus also comes to and catches them in an embrace and Regis and Joe are forced to run for the lives as Cletus comes after them with a shotgun. Luckily for the salesmen, Cletus is a horrible shot, and they get away safely, Regis still unfulfilled while Joe is now a “man.”

No controversy here, a much better story, and very nicely done. FOUR STARS

THE RING & THE GARTER
Produced by Michael Trikilis, photographed by Mark Zavad

This is story adapted from the tales of Casanova. And it tells the story of one afternoon Casanova spent with a lovely young lady. They are alone in a beautiful garden, after Casanova has paid the groundskeeper, and old man, to make sure they were alone that day. They make a bet to have a race, with the loser having to do whatever the winner commands. Casanova purposely loses the race, because he wants to see what she will command him to do. So she wins and then orders him to turn around while she hides a ring somewhere on her person, and commands him to try and find it. All she’s wearing is a see-through dress, and caresses her body and finds the ring between her legs. Then he asks for a rematch, and this time they race and as she runs her dress falls open, revealing her large breasts. Afterward Casanova presents her with two garters which he puts on her legs. Then they make love in the garden. The “twist” at the end is that we see that the girl had made an arrangement with the groundskeeper to make sure she was alone with Casanova, and that the money Casanova gave him the groundskeeper then gives to the girl, in exchange for letting the old man touch her breast for little bit.

very hot story. FOUR STARS

TRICKS OF THE TRADE
Produced by William Kronick, written by John B. Caldwell, photographed by Don Burgess

This is a funny story of Harry Houdini’s cousin Larry, who was an unsuccessful magician. Larry’s only achievement in life was in marrying a beautiful woman named Fatimah, who worked as his assistant. We’re told that she’s the only reason that anyone ever comes to Larry’s shows, because men like watching her. One magic trick Larry performs is having Fatima select a random man from the audience to come on stage get into a box, and Larry makes him disappear. We see the way that it works is that Larry puts the man in the box, then activates a trapdoor that drops the man into Fatima’s dressing room underneath the stage. And then Fatima convinces the man not to tell the secret. This particular night a man named Hadley is chosen. And when he drops into Fatima’s dressing room sparks fly between the two of them, and they end up having sex. From then on, the next several nights, Hadley would make sure he was always in the audience wearing a different disguise (but wearing a rose on his jacket, so Fatima would know it’s him, and Fatima would pick Hadley so that Larry could put him in the box and then Fatima and Hadley would have sex downstairs in the dressing room while Larry is onstage continuing his magic show.

Eventually, the two lovers get careless and Larry finds them having sex after the show. Larry is enraged and decides to publicly humiliate her. So he creates a new trick in place of his usual disappearing box. He comes up with a trick to get both Hadley and Fatima in the box at the same time, knowing that they would take that opportunity to have a quicky, and then Larry would open the box and expose them having sex to the audience.

The plan works but, unexpectedly, the audience loves it, thinking it’s just part of the show. And the next night the show is sold out. So Larry forgets his jealousy and actually hires Hadley as his 2nd assistant, allowing them to have sex during the show.

My favorite story of the group. I wish I knew the name of the actress who plays Fatima, so I could see if she played in anythin else. FIVE STARS

THE INVISIBLE LOVER
Written, produced, and directed by Robert C. Hughes, photographed by Robert Yeoman

This is the story of a wealthy old Count who likes playing practical jokes on people, especially simple young laborer (I can’t make out the name that he is referred to). The Count’s young wife is bored with her husband, who doesn’t pay enough attention to her. The Countess is attracted to the laborer, and when he overhears her husband and his friends planning a new trick on the laborer, making him think he’s gained the power to turn invisible, she goes to the laborer with a plan. The Count puts his plan into action, and the young man goes along with it, pretending to believe that he’s invisible. Then he goes to the Countesses bedroom, and they have wild hot sex. The Count and his friend catch them in action, and it is the Count who is humiliated, while the Countess argues that she was going along with the joke…

Decent story. FOUR STARS

Overall, this is a solid collection of 80’s softcore. Definitely worth checking out, although it is out of print and copies of the DVD on AMAZON can be rather expensive.

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