SOFTCORE FILMS

TARZEENA, QUEEN OF KONG ISLAND

Also known (according to IMDB) as Tarzeena, Jiggle In The Jungle, this 2008 film from Retromedia was written by Cryus Nickelby and directed by Fred Olen Ray (under the name Nicholas Medina). Christine Nguyen stars as the title character, and Medina/Ray wastes no time in showing off her best assets. Less than a minute into the film we see Tarzeena bathing naked under a waterfall.

Then we cut to America where Mandy and Ted (Nicole Sheridan and Alexandre Boisvert/Voodoo) are arriving home from a funeral of Mandy’s uncle Milton. Neither of them seems too upset about Milton’s death. In fact, all Ted can think about is as Milton’s only known relative Mandy is set to inherit Milton’s entire fortune, which is said to be substantial (although considering how huge the house Mandy and Ted are living in, it doesn’t appear that they’re exactly hurting for money. To celebrate their upcoming good fortune, they have sex.

Then Jed Slater (Ed Polgardy) shows up at the house, he’s an attorney for Milton’s estate. He says Mandy is set to inherit a fortune, but first they must travel to an island where Milton’s son and infant daughter are believed to have crashed a couple of decades earlier, to see if they can find proof. Or something. I’m not really sure. Either way, Mandy, Ted, and Jed all head off on a trip to Kong Island.

Evan Stone plays Jack Carver, who lives and works on Kong Island as a jungle guide. We first see him having sex with a local native girl named Shana (Syren). Then he goes to meet Mandy and the others. After taking them to a house to stay in while they’re on Kong island, Jack gets Mandy alone and they have sex. The next day, while hiking through the jungle, Mandy gets grabbed by a gorilla and then Tarzeena arrives to save her. Mandy, Ted, and Jed are surprised to see that Tarzeena is real, as they thought she was just a local legend, and they try to find out more about her and find out if she’s really Uncle Milton’s long-lost granddaughter, but Tarzeena just warns them to leave immediately, and then disappears.

There’s also an mad scientist, played by Mike Gaglio, who leaves on the island, and he captures the gorilla to use him for some mind-control experiments, and then he late kidnaps Tarzeena to try the experiment on her, and the others have to rescue her, blah blah blah. I got pretty bored with the storyline, honestly. It’s not really important anyway. But there are some more sex scenes. After first meeting them, Tarzeena is attracted to Ted, so that night she sneaks into the house and has sex with him. And when Shana finds out about Jack and Mandy, she gets jealous and decides to seduce Mandy herself. In the end, Tarzeena is rescued from the scientist, who gets killed, and Mandy and Ted return to America with Mandy’s new fortune and they also bring Tarzeena with them, to be their new maid. No, it doesn’t make sense.

Christine Nguyen is one the best softcore actresses around, as is Nicole Sheridan, and triple X star Syren is smokin’ hot. With these three ladies together in a film is should be melting the screen. But, sadly, it just falls flat. The ladies, and gents, do their best in each of their sex scenes, and I have no real complaints about those, but it just didn’t feel as epic as it should have. Nguyen in particular was wasted here, in my opinion. She’s the “star” of this film but only got one sex scene? Eh. The best I can give this film is THREE STARS.

Available on Amazon

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