Nichole McAuley

First, I have to say that this episode has the funniest plot description on its IMDB page.

A silly woman uses Dirty Dance lesson as an excuse to cheat on her boyfriend and then blame him for her behavior,

I wanna give a high-five to whoever wrote that because it’s so hilariously true.

Written by Denise Monroe and directed by Chris Tudor, this episode stars Jezebelle Bond as Diana, who calls into the Best Sex Ever radio show to tell Veronica (Angela Nicholas) about a time when her sex life grew stale and what she did about it.

After a year of dating, she and her boyfriend Ray (Alex Ferro) moved in together. At first, the sex life was wild and inhibited. We see them “christen” their new Kitchen by having sex in it, and it’s a hot scene. But then Diana tells Angela that after a while, their sex life started to feel like it was becoming boring and routine. We see the two of them in bed reading, and then Ray turns off the lamp on his side to go to sleep. and Diana does the same. But after lying there about a minute, she turns the light back on and brings up to Ray that they haven’t had sex in four days (yes, four whole days) and asks if there’s something wrong with her. He assures her that he loves her and wants her as much as ever but points out that they’ve both just been busy and tired lately and assures her that things will get better soon. The episode flashes forward an undetermined amount of time later, where we see Diana and Ray in the kitchen one morning where Ray is feeling insecure because they tried to have sex the night before, but Ray couldn’t rise to the occasion (if you know what I mean), because he said he felt too much pressure.

Diana then took it upon herself to do some research on how to reignite their sex life, including renting several books about sex from the library. Then, one day, she gets a flyer in the mail advertising some local classes teaching women how to do erotic dancing. So she signed up for a private class and met the instructor at her house. Nichole McAuley is Crystal, a psychologist who paid for her education by stripping. Diana tells her her problem, and Crystal explains how “dirty dancing” can get a couple in the mood. First, she asks Diana to dance for her to see what she’s capable of, but Diana feels too inhibited and doesn’t move much. So Crystal stands up to join her and starts showing Diana how to slow dance, putting her hands on Diana’s body in the process. Then suddenly, while dancing, Crystal kisses Diana on the mouth, which Diana likes. The next thing you know,  Diana is lying naked on a couch as Crystal goes down on her. Then they switch places, and Diana goes down on Crystal. Then they finish it off with some scissoring.

I hope Crystal at least gave Diana a discount for this brief “dance lesson.”

Diana tells Veronica that she couldn’t wait to tell Ray about this and share all the “juicy details” with him, assuming that he’d understand. Veronica agrees, “What man wouldn’t?”

Yeah, I guess both women have watched a lot of softcore TV shows and movies like I have, because in the softcore genre, yes, most men absolutely love it when they find out that their wives or girlfriends cheat on them with another woman. In fact, if a relationship between a man and woman is losing its passion, the woman sleeping with another woman behind the man’s back is usually the very thing that makes the couple happy and sexually satisfied with each other again. This has happened many times on this particular series, including the most recent episode. So such behavior is generally highly recommended.

But, to Diana’s shock, Ray reacted like the vast majority of men in real life would if their live-in girlfriend, whom they thought they were in a monogamous relationship with, came home and proudly confessed to cheating on them with another woman. The dialog in this scene is so funny, as Diana reacts as if Ray’s feelings of hurt and betrayal are insane. As he’s telling her how upset he is, asking how she could do that to him, she’s dismissing him with comments like “I did this for us! What’s the problem?!? It’s no big deal!”

Unfortunately for Diana, Ray just won’t listen to her.

So Diana goes back to Crystal’s house for comfort and advice. Crystal’s solution is for Diana to dance for her again, performing a slow sex striptease and then lying back on the couch masturbating while Crystal watches her (but at least this time, Crystal doesn’t touch her, so I guess that makes it better, right?).

Later, Crystal actually goes to Diana and Ray’s apartment. She shows up uninvited, and, naturally, Ray is disgusted when he realizes that she’s the “stripper” Diana cheated on him with. The ladies clarify that she’s not a stripper; she’s a psychologist. Crystal then proceeds to lecture Ray about what a good and loving woman he has in Diana and how he shouldn’t let his “male ego” get in the way of this relationship.

Seriously, it’s astounding how this episode tries to paint Ray as the bad guy here.

Of course, the argument works. Ray ends up apologizing for being jealous; it’s just that he wanted to be the one who turns Diana on, not Crystal, but Diana assures him that this was all about her learning how to better turn him on. And Crystal recommends that now it’s time for Diana to show Ray what she’s learned. So, as Ray sits on the couch, Diana dances and strips for him, and Crystal sits on a chair and watches them. Then she gets on the couch and sort of kneels over him so he can eat her out. Then Crystal gets naked, and Diana starts making out with her as Ray watches. Then Ray joins them, but it’s not a proper threesome, as Ray and Crystal never touch each other; it’s both of them working on Diana, ending with Diana bending over the back of the couch as Ray bangs her from behind while Crystal lies on the couch, watching them.

The episode ends with Diana telling Veronica that it’s been a year since then, and she and Ray have been happy. And every once in a while, Crystal comes by to give Diana a “refresher course” for her dirty dancing.

This episode is fun just because of the absurdity of how Ray’s reaction to Diana’s affair is presented. I rewatch it for that, even more so than for the sex scene, which are fine but could have been better (especially the final scene, Ray deserved to also have sex with Crystal, to make it even, I feel).

Chacebook rating: THREE STARS

Jason Majercik is selling this UNRATED 4-disc DVD set of Best Sex Ever season 2 for $29.99. Email him at quinn_nash@hotmail.com for his softcore inventory list.