SOFTCORE FILMS

GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI

This 2006 film was directed by Fred Olen Ray (under his Nicholas Medina alias), who also co-wrote it with Jeff O’Brien. It stars Christine Nguyen as Muffin Baker, a softcore B-movie actress (what a challenging role for her), who lives with her boyfriend Ted Wood (Voodoo, as Alexandre Boisvert), the director who films her movies. Muffin gets a telegram that her rich uncle Silas has died, and so she and Ted fly to Silas’ mansion for the reading of the will. Meanwhile Silas’ lawyer Archibald (Brad Bartram) is plotting to kill Muffin, because she’s Silas’ last surviving relative and if she dies than Archibald inherits everything. Rebecca Love plays Archibald’s daughter, Evilyn, who is in on her father’s plan. The mansion has to servants, a butler named Marsh (Evan Stone) and a maid named Fuscia (Michelle Lay), who have one conversation about coming up with their own plan, but nothing seems to come of that, and it’s dropped. And, as per the title of the film, the mansion is haunted by the ghost of one Sila’s ex-girlfriend a young woman named Tabitha (played by Nicole Sheridan) who died of a chest cold, and now wanders invisibly around the mansion, while wearing a string bikini. There’s also an appearance by Syren, as a Medium named Zola, who was brought in to perform a seance to try to speak to Silas’ spirit, but it doesn’t work. So when Muffin and Ted arrive at the mansion, the tricks begin, and when the Will is read it’s revealed that now it’s like a treasure hunt, that Silas hid a special key somewhere in the house, and whomever finds it gets all of Silas’ estate.

So that’s the basic premise, nothing groundbreaking, but it is saved by the quality of the sex scenes, most of which are pretty good. The movie wastes no time in getting right to it, as it opens with Muffin filming a movie, she plays a damsel in distress that’s tied to a table in a hidden lab, while wearing a bikini, and then Nick Manning plays “Bardo” (a parody of Rambo), who bursts in with a gun to rescue her, and then they have sex on the table in the lab. And that’s within the first 3 minutes. And not long after that, Muffin and Ted have sex in their apartment, before leaving to go to Silas’ mansion. At the mansion we get a scene of Marsh and Fuscia having sex. After Zola’s arrived and had her seance, she has sex with Marsha after Tabitha has possessed her body. At the behest of her father, Evilyn seduces Ted, trying to drive a wedge between him and Muffin, which works when Muffin catches them naked together. Then Muffin takes a nap, and Tabitha somehow enters her dream and they have sex on a bed. The three scenes with Nguyen are the best, but scenes with Syren and Rebecca Love are always good. But as excellent as Nicole Sheridan’s lesbian scene with Nguyen was, she was still underutilized, considering she’s on the cover and is the ghost in the title. So just giving her one sex scene kinda felt like a waste.

Oh yeah I almost forgot to mention, this film is technically a musical. Stone’s character lip-sings a song called The Ghouls Go West and Syren lip-sings a song called Dragula Go-Go, both written and performed by a group called The Moon-Rays, and then Nguyen actually sings her own song, which wasn’t listed in the credits. But I fast-forwarded through each performance, so I can’t comment on them.

Overall, the film isn’t a “classic,” but good enough to earn it a Chacebook rating of 4 STARS.

GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI is available on AMAZON.COM

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