SOFTCORE FILMS

Platinum Blonde

Written by Louise Monclair and directed by Cybil Richards, this 2001 film from Surrender Cinema stars hardcore adult film actress and Tiger Woods’ ex-mistress Holly Sampson as Angela, who is a “love angel,” also referred to as a “Cupid.” She says she’s one of one hundred cupids monitoring this planet, and their job is to help people find their true love. Exactly where these love angels come from and how they find their subjects is not revealed. But that’s the basic plot of the film, and we see Angela in action, as she appears in the life of some random person who is in love with someone who is out of their reach for some reason (usually because they’re already in a relationship with someone else, although that person is not right for them, and she convinces them to overcome those obstacles and finally stop hiding their feelings and let the object of their affection know how they feel.

First up is a man named Jeff, played by Timothy Stempien. He’s a film editor, currently editing the newest film starring Tawny, a popular B-movie actress played by Shauna O’Brien. Jeff has the hots for Tawny, but she’s dating the film’s director, Tony (Danny Pape). Tony is the one who hired Jeff to direct the film, but he talks down to Jeff and takes Tawny for granted, casually dismissing her complaints about the kinds of films she’s given to make (“hot chicks and zombies” is what the public wants, according to Tony). Posing as a new production assistant for the studio, Angela befriends Jeff and convinces him that Tawny and Tony aren’t right for each other (despite the two of them catching them having sex in a bathtub) and that he should make his move. But Jeff needs something to raise his confidence, so angela takes him up to her special bedroom in the clouds and fucks him. That works. Jeff approaches Tawny with a movie script that he’s written, and she loves it so much that she not only wants to make that movie, but she wants Jeff to direct it. And then she dumps Tony for him. But…then the ending of this scenario has a bit of a twist that calls its reality into question. I won’t spoil it, you’ll see what I mean if you watch it.

Angela’s next subject is Joey (Daniel Busch), who has a crush on a woman named Maria (Mia Zottoli). Unfortunately Mia is engaged to Joey’s brother Hank (John McCafferty). Joey doesn’t want to do anything to ruin his brother’s engagement, except he finds out that Hank is cheating on Mia with her best friend and Maid of Honor, Janice (Darby Daniels). First posing as the wedding planner to Maria, but then privately revealing her cupid-status to Joey, Angela pushes Joey to tell Maria the truth. This has more of a standard, if predictable, happy ending.

And Angela’s last subject in this film is Stella, a shy quiet woman played by Shannan Leigh. She works in an office and has an unrequited crush on her boss, Erik Stone (Eddie Jay), who is a real hardass. Erik doesn’t really notice Stella, because she’s a frumpy homely girl, or at least she’s supposed to be. The film has her wearing oversized clothes and glasses and has her hair pulled back, but there’s just no hiding the fact that Shannan Leigh is a voluptuous bombshell. So you have to suspend disbelief. But Angela gives Stella a makeover and now she’s getting the attention of other men, including Erik. This story gets its a happy ending, but not the one that was expected.

So it’s a silly but charming premise, and Sampson plays the role well. It helps that all the actors play it straight, no winks to the camera. And, of course, there are some hot sex scenes. Shauna O’Brien gets three, one with Danny Pape and one with Timothy Stempien, plus a lesbian scene in a shower with Stella Porter, who plays an actress in a scene with Tawny in the movie.

Mia Zottoli has two scenes with Daniel Busch. John McCafferty and Darby Daniels have one scene together. And then Shannon Leigh has three scenes, one with Eddie Jay, one with Micah Bradshaw, who plays one of Stella’s coworkers and one with Jack Ketchmark, who plays a new neighbor that Stella meets.

And Holly Sampson and Timothy Stempien have a scene together, and that’s my only complaint about this film, that Sampson only has that one sex scene. I would have loved to have seen her in a lesbian scene with Zottoli or Leigh. That and the fact that this is after Shauna O’Brien got her bad breast implants are what keep me from giving this film a perfect score, but I still recommend it.

Chacebook rating: FOUR STARS

 

 

Jason Majercik is selling this Unrated DVD for $22.99. Email him at quinn_nash@hotmail.com for his softcore inventory list

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