04/27/2009 – Danielle Petty – “One-Eyed Monster” Los Angeles Premiere – Arrivals – The Fine Arts Theater – Beverly Hills, CA, USA – Keywords: One Eyed Monster, Porn Star, Stars – False – – Photo Credit: Andy Mechammil / PR Photos – Contact (1-866-551-7827)

Written by D.B. Brooks and Brian Hurwitz and directed by Julie Jordan, this episode stars the legendary adult film star and credibly accused serial rapist Ron Jeremy as himself. He comes to the Black Tie Nights agency looking for love. As he tells Olivia (Amy Lindsay), Cooper (Tiffany Hendra), and Ryan (Glen Meadows), the only women who are interested in meeting him just want to fuck him because of his huge penis, and he’s tired of that. He wants to find a woman with whom he can have a real emotional connection, who loves him for who he is inside. They set him up with a woman named Sandy (Danielle Petty), a chemist who is also looking for someone different from the men she usually meets.

Ron picks Sandy up at her home, bringing her flowers, and she doesn’t appear to recognize him. They go out to eat at a restaurant, and when she asks him what he does for a living, he just says he’s a retired entrepreneur. The dinner seemed to go well, and afterward, they went back to his place, where they discussed their shared interests in art and classical music. Finally, she admits that she knows who he is but doesn’t care because he’s so awesome. So Ron gets his happy ending.

As for the story, it’s not bad. I must admit that Ron Jeremy is a decent actor, not that it’s a challenging role, and I’ve always enjoyed everything I’ve seen Danielle Petty in. The problem is that we get two sex scenes and at this point in his career, Ron Jeremy was not someone that I wanted to see having sex.

His first scene is with Daniela Rossler, who plays the last woman he went out with before Sandy. Thankfully, it’s not too explicit. Ron keeps his shirt on while the woman gets topless and simulates riding him as he sits on a couch. The second scene is him with Daniella Petty, and, yeah, they both get naked. Not even Petty’s sexy body can make up for seeing Ron’s bloated, hairy self.

The subplots aren’t much better. After thinking that this show was finally progressing Olivia’s storyline in the last episode, we open with her telling Cooper about spending the night with Charley (a returning Drake Dorado), but then saying she plans to quickly end things with him because she’s still not ready to start seeing anyone knew, due to being hung up on her late husband). Olivia goes to lunch with him, and tells her how she’s feeling, and Charley manages to convince her to go to his house in Santa Barbara with him for a weekend to give him another chance. That weekend, they have a hot sex scene in his outdoor jacuzzi, and that’s the only scene in this episode that is worth watching. But afterward, Olivia still doesn’t feel ready and leaves for home.

10 episodes in, and I’m bored as fuck with this storyline.

Also boring is the continuing relationship drama between Cooper and Ryan, she’s still hesitant about making anything official, still trying to hide it from Olivia, even though she knows, and acting like she’s too good for him or something. Why is Ryan still putting up with this?

Chacebook rating: THREE STARS

Jason Majercik is selling this UNRATED 3-disc DVD set of Black Tie Nights season 1 for $29.99. Email him at quinn_nash@hotmail.com for his softcore inventory list.