SOFTCORE TELEVISION

TANYA X – THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON

tanya x

In the 2007 softcore spy movie spoof THE GIRL FROM B.I.K.I.N.I. we were introduced to Tanya X, a secret agent for the Bureau of International Knowledge Intelligence and Nonstandard Investigations, played by Beverly Lynne Meadows. She’ll doing anything to complete her missions, including having sex with enemies and allies, be they male or female, alike. The character returned in the 2008 sequel BIKINI ROYALE and in 2010’s BIKINI ROYALE 2, each film written and directed (under assumed names) by Fred Olen Ray.

Later, during late 2010 and early 2011, Ray protégé Dean McKendrick took over the character and wrote and directed 12 short “episodes”, about 10 minutes each, and released it online as a web series called Tanya X. Or it’s possible that it was filmed as one movie, and then split up into scenes to made into this series, as some reviewers on Amazon claim that the say saw it on TV as a movie. I’m not sure, but this is how it is released on this DVD, as a collection of episodes.

The set-up is the same. Tanya still works for B.I.K.I.N.I. Monique Parent joins the cast as Director Martin, the new head of the agency.

1/JUNGLE FEVER
Tanya is somewhere in the South American jungle to track down a mercenary named Ricardo (Robert Don) who is running a banana smuggling operation. She finds him and they have sex.

2/IS IT FAKE?
Director Martin gives Tanya X her next assignment, which involves tracking counterfeit money. She meets with Newton (Eric Masterson), who is B.I.K.I.N.I.’s gadget-makers, like “Q” in the Bond series. Tanya gets turned on by one of Newton’s devices, and seduces him in his office.

3/YE OLDE SEX SHOPPE
Tanya visits a sex-toy store, which is supposed to be one of the local businesses that has been laundering the counterfeit money. She meets Sandy, the owner of the store (played by Christine Nguyen). Tanya pretends to be a reporting wanting to interview Sandy, who then begins coming on to Tanya and they have sex on a large love-seat in the store. But just when she thinks she’s found evidence of the counterfeit ring, it turns out that Sandy is actually an undercover Secret Service agent herself, investigating the same case.

4/BIG BALLS AND KNOCKERS
The two agents compare notes about the case. Sandy suspects that the counterfeit ring is being run by a local mob boss named Big Balls Parker (Evan Stone) and his assistant/girlfriend Knockers Malone (Kylee Nash). We cut to a club that Big Balls owns, and see him and Knockers having sex on pool table. Nash is always hot too see, but for some reason they have her speaking in some exaggerated high-pitched voice.

5/FRATERNIZATION
Tanya is back at B.I.K.I.N.I. hq, telling Director Martin about her encounter with Sandy and about Big Balls and Knockers. Then Martin brings up the fact that she heard Tanya X “put out” for the previous Directors of B.I.K.I.N.I. and doesn’t expect anything to change just because she’s the first woman to run it. So she and Tanya have sex on the desk in Director Martin’s office.

6/AN OLD FLAME
Back at her own apartment, Tanya meets with Rex Cooper (Randy Spears), the F.B.I. contact for double-agent that they have working in Big Balls’ organization. He’s there to teach Tanya about the mob, so she can infiltrate them. He also happens to be an ex of Tanya’s, and she’s not that happy to see him. But Rex starts hitting on her, and she reluctantly relents, and they have sex on her bed.

7/HITTING THE MATTRESS
Tanya and Rex go to Sandy’s sex shop for a meeting Tony Baritone (Billy Chappell aka Tony Marino) who is Big Balls’ top hitman, but is secretly working for the Feds. Sandy and Rex leave Tanya and Tony alone so they discuss strategy to get Tanya in with the mob. After some brief talking they end up having sex over the counter in the store, and then on the loveseat that Tanya had sex with Sandy on earlier.

8/LAP DANCE AT BB’S
Tony goes to Big Balls’ club and convinces Big Balls to go to Sandy’s club and meet with Tanya, whom he has convinced is a mob boss from Detroit. Big Balls agrees and leaves, and Tony is alone in the club drinking. Knockers comes in and offers to give him a private strip show and lap dance, and then that leads to them having sex.

9/TANYA MEETS BIG BALLS
Back at Sandy’s sex shop, she and Randy are talking about his past with Tanya, which he swears is over. Tanya runs in and insists that they have to leave because Big Balls is coming over. So they go into the private office, and Big Balls come into the store and introduces himself to Tanya. As they talk, Sandy and Rex listen through the door. But then they get turned on and have sex on the desk in the office.

10/LIBIDO ENHANCEMENT
Back the B.I.K.I.N.I. hq, Director Martin barges into Newton’s office, and informs him that once of his devices, a watch designed to sexually arouse whomever wears it, as worked on her. So she’s horny, and has sex with him on his desk. Monique is always best when she “takes charge” during her sex scenes, and this is a great example of that.

11/TRUTH OR DARE
Tanya goes to Big Balls’ club, where she’s greeted by Knockers, who insists on searching her. It’s a very thorough search which ends with them both getting naked and having sex in the bar.

12/IT ENDS IN A SMOKIN’ HOT THREE-WAY
Well, the title speaks for itself. The series ends with Tanya, Sandy, and Rex having sex together (on the pool table in the club). This is after they close the case, which involves several twists and turns, of course. But, really, the important thing is the sex. And is most definitely is a hot scene.

Having watched all 12 scenes in row, I can say that it would work well as one complete film since, after the first episode, it’s telling one complete story. So I think it was written to work as both, since each chapter still has a “cliffhanger,” which leads into the next one. But it’s probably better this way, since we get more sex scenes. Most softcore films of this nature have 6 or 7, but we get a full 12 here, once in each episode, so that was cool. And they’re all pretty good. The 4 leading ladies, Meadows, Parent, Nguyen, and Nash, are all perennial favorites of mine, and each one gets multiple scenes here, including lesbian scenes, which are always a joy. 5 of the scene has fast rock music playing during the sex, which is a tad distracting, but I can overlook it. There’s also the fact that each scene begins with a recap of the previous episode, and then ends with a preview of the next episode, and that’s all including here, along with opening and closing credits, which are easy enough to fast forward through if you’re watching the whole season at once. The dvd also includes a blooper reel of outtakes from the series.

Altogether this collection if the first installment in this series which I feel deserves a full Chacebook rating of FIVE STARS

There’s a hint of Tanya X’s next adventure at the end but, sadly, it doesn’t look like either a 2nd season or another film sequel is ever going to materialize…

available on amazon

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