Bikini Avengers


Here’s the latest softcore film from the mind of writer/director Dean McKendrick. It came out last Tuesday, I pre-ordered it a couple of months ago once I saw Erika Jordan on the cover. If you follow my softcore reviews, you know what a big fan of hers I am. Here Erika co-stars with Jacqui Holland, they play Lori and Stephanie, two investigative reporters for the Metro City Gazette who are also secretly the crime-fighting duo of Bikini Avenger and Thong Girl. Nick Manning plays their boss, Metro City Gazette editor R.J. Ralston who, despite all of the good work we hear that the super-heroines have done in the city, is convinced that they are actually menaces to society. When the super-villainess known as The Jade Empress (Sarah Hunter from Sexually Bugged!) breaks into the Metro City Museum and steals the priceless diamond known as The Star of Ragna, Ralston is convinced that Bikini Avenger and Thong Girl are in cahoots with the Jade Empress, and assigns Lori and Stephanie to investigate the case. Changing into their costumed identities, the ladies rush out to catch the Jade Empress, and clear their names.

The Jade Empress has her headquarters in an abandoned old Church, with her two assistants, a man known simply as Henchmen (Eric Masterson) and a woman known as Handmaiden (Cassandra Cruz). We learn that Jade Empress’ plan is to launch a satellite into orbit, which will be armed a laser that’s more powerful than any other laser ever created, which she plans to use to threaten the world into submission. The laser will be powered by special diamonds, which is why she stole the Star of Ragna. She only needs one more diamond, a special jewel which belongs to Princess Brushka of a country called Baklava. The princess, played by the legendary Beverly Lynne Meadows, just so happens to be visiting Metro City at the moment, and the Jade Empress sends Henchmen to go work undercover as the butler at the mansion where the princess is staying, in order to kidnap her. And when Bikini Avenger and Thong Girl show up at the mansion to warn the princess, she dismisses their concerns and orders them to leave her alone. And when the princess the crime-fighters must race against the clock to rescue her. But the Jade Empress leads them into a trap, and soon the Bikini Avengers finds herself tied up in a dungeon, about to become the first victim of the Jade Empress’ deadly laser. As the film’s narrator asks:

“Is this the end of the Bikini Avenger? Has she solved her last case? Worn her last bikini? Stay tuned!”

I don’t want to reveal too much more of the story, you’ll have to watch the film yourself to see how it ends. But I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed this film. McKendrick finds just the right mix between campy and parody. The cast plays their roles entirely straight, without any coy winks or nods to the audience, no matter how silly the material gets, and that’s what makes it work. There’s also an element of drama, as Lori struggles to maintain her relationship with her boyfriend Lance (Jason Lockhart) who is becoming suspicious of her behavior and thinks she’s hiding something from her, and Lori and Stephanie’s jobs at the newspaper also become in jeopardy, when Ralston loses faith in their ability to solve the case. And I can’t forget the action. Erika and Sarah have a hand to hand fight (choreographed by Erika herself) which has to be the most realistic fight scene I’ve ever seen in a softcore film. Seriously, it’s almost as good as the fight between Gina Carano and Michelle Rodriguez in Fast and Furious 6.

Erika Jordan and Jacqui Holland have great chemistry together (as evidenced in the Life As A Hot Loser webseries that they co-host on Youtube) and play a formidable duo, both as superheroes and as reporters. They have their own Batcave in the form of  a “Bikini Base”, which is underneath the nice large house that they live in (it’s never explained how two newspaper reports can afford all of that), which has an advanced “Bikini-computer” which they use to investigate crimes. They also have a “Bikinimobile”, but it’s in the shop for repairs, so we only see them driving a regular car in this film. Beverly Lynne’s portrayal of the princess is suitably over-the-top in her arrogance, while Sarah Hunter’s Jade Empress is sinister and seductive.

And of course there are the 7 sex scenes in this film. The opening scene is between Hunter and JP Knight, who plays the security guard at the museum that the Jade Empress hypnotizes and seduces in order to steal the Star of Ragna. And then there’s a lesbian scene between her and Cruz. After that there are 5 more sex scenes, 4 that are b/g and 1 that is a b/g/g threesome, which is something that you don’t see that often in these films. I don’t want to say who is paired with whom in those scenes, as it may spoil some of the story by announcing which characters hook up. But Beverly Lynn appears in 1 scene, Erika appears in 2, and Jacqui appears in 3. All of the scenes are hot. There’s music playing during each scene but, unlike the softcore films of Jim Wynorski or Fred Olen Ray, Dean McKendrick doesn’t have loud fast techno-music at full volume, he has soft music in the background, that’s not too loud that you can’t still hear the actress’ moaning sounds. So it’s all very erotic.

Funny, dramatic, suspenseful, and arousing, Bikini Avengers has got something for everyone. Chacebook rating: FIVE STARS

available on Amazon

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