SOFTCORE FILMS

Virgins Of Sherwood Forest

Okay, so as I wrote about earlier today, I’m a longtime fan of the character of Robin Hood. So now I’m reviewing this softcore film which is based on the Robin Hood legend.

Written by Louise Monclair and directed by Cybil Richards, this 2000 film start the legendary Gabriella Hall, as Roberta, a film director who is currently stuck directing music videos to make ends meet when she really wants to make an important movie. Brian Heidik stars as Alvin, the rock star who’s video Roberta’s directing, but he’s arrogant and lazy, making the shooting difficult. The video has an old Western theme, with Alvin dressed as a cowboy, but at the last minute Alvin changes his mind, saying that he thinks this idea is stupid, and would rather be dressed as Robin Hood for the video. Roberta gets upset and quits the video, and starts to storm off-set, but hits her head and is knocked out. And the rest of the film is basically one long dream, where Robert wakes up in “Sherwood Forrest” and meets a bunch of characters from the Robin Hood legend, who are also people she knows from real life, including Alvin who is Robin Hood in this dream, until she figures out a way to get back home.

So while Roberta is exploring the forest, we learn that it’s been a year since Robin Hood has driven off the Sherrif of Nottingham, and in that time since he’s gotten more arrogant and lazy (just like Alvin). Then a new Sherrif of Nottingham appears, her name is Serena and she’s the sister of the last Sherrif (and is played by Shannan Leigh, who also plays Roberta’s assistant Nina in the “real world”), and she comes up with a plan to capture Robin Hood. Robert meets Little John (Jason Schnuit), whom she seems to fall in love with, and after Robin and his men are captured, the two of them gather up some local women to storm the castle and rescue them. Eventually, during a fight with Serena, Roberta gets knocked out again and reawakens in the real world, with a new passion for filmmaking, and then she meets Jack, a crewmember on the set who is also played by Jason Schnuit, implying that the two of them will start a relationship just like in her dream. THE END.

This was, to put it mildly, not good. First off, I think the film could have been better if it was just played straight as a Robin Hood story, instead of this weird dream sequence plot that I just never bought into, because it was obvious what was going, and thus nothing that happened in the “story” ever felt important. There was no danger, as we knew Roberta would eventually wake up. To her credit, Gabriella Hall does the best she could, she acts very well, better than the material that she’s given. But not even her skills can save this film.

There are 8 sex scenes. Two of them are Gabriella Hall and Jason Schnuit. Shannan Leigh has three scenes, one with Brian Heidik, one with David Usher (who plays Horatio, a royal guard) and one with Micah Bradshaw (who plays Alan Dale, one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men, and Roberta’s production manager Sam). Amber Newman, who plays Roberta’s assistant Andrea in the real world and Julietta, a local woman, in the dream) has a sex scene with Heidik and a lesbian scene with Darby Daniels, who herself also has a scene with Usher. All the scenes are fine, as far as softcore sex scenes go, but none of them are worth sitting through this film to watch.

A boring story, and mostly paint-by-the-numbers performances from the cast. This is one film you can skip. Chacebook rating: 3 STARS

Jason Majercik is selling the UNRATED DVD for $24.99. Email him at quinn_nash@hotmail.com for his softcore inventory list.

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