SOFTCORE FILMS

INTERGALACTIC SWINGERS

This sci-fi softcore movie was written and directed by Dean McKendrick, and released last month by Retromedia. I happened to notice in the opening credits that it listed someone named Buzz Addison as “Aerospace Consultant.” Well, I’m no scientist myself, but I doubt this film would pass many tests of “hard science.”

It opens in a remote Top Secret Deep Space Tracking Center, where Steve (Ryan Driller) and Rachel (Sophia Belle) are alone, monitoring various sections of space, using some new classified tracking software that Steve developed. Rachel is bored just sitting there looking at empty space all day, and questions Steve about his girlfriend. Steve says he’s dating someone, but she’s not really his girlfriend, because he isn’t into being tied down right now, so Rachel suggests that they take a little break from watching the skies. And that break consists of them having sex right there in the station. And this is within the first 5 minutes of the film, so at least McKendrick knows what his target audience wants to see, and doesn’t waste too much time getting to it.

Then we cut to outer space, a spaceship with two women, Dara (Krissy Lynn) and Alana (Christie Stevens), has just entered Earth’s atmosphere. They’re from a race whose home planet is “dying”, and they are one of many scout ships that searching the galaxy for a new planet that they can colonize, and these two women have to check out Earth. But first, Alana admits her attraction to Dara, and the two women have sex right there on the spaceship.

Back on Earth, we’re in a bar called RICK’S, where two waitresses are working Candy (Erika Jordan) and Athena (Tasha Reign). Athena is the woman Steve was talking about, and she’s also an Astronomy student at the local university. She asks the owner, Rick (Josh Rivers) if she can leave early today, so she can go home and study for a test. Rick (who, as it turns out, used to date Candy, but she ended it because he could never commit to just one woman) make a deal with her, saying he’ll let her leave early if she’ll go in the backroom and have sex with him. With slight hesitation, Candy agrees, and they go have sex. But then afterward, Rick reneges on the deal, and insists that she has to work her full shift, establishing him as an asshole.

Alana and Dara beam down to Earth, and hitch a ride with a man named Luke (Bailey Beettleman), who takes them to Rick’s, so they can observe what human life on Earth is like. At the bar, Alana has a vodka for the first time, while Dara sees Candy and goes over to talk to her. Candy has a version of Steve’s software on her laptop, and is using it to observe the stars, which Dara also finds interesting. And Candy thinks she sees evidence of a large asteroid headed to Earth, but the WiFi in the bar is bad, so she invites Dara and Alana back to her place where she’ll have better service. So the three women go back to Candy’s home, but Alana tells Dara to beam back up to their spaceship, so she can check for the asteroid, since they have much more advanced technology there. So Dara makes and excuse about wanting to go for a walk, while Alana goes inside Candy’s house, and they check the monitor. Once inside, Alana begins flirting with Candy, and the two women have sex. Afterwards Alana confesses that she and Dara are aliens, which Candy thinks is cool.

Back at the station, Steve has noticed the asteroid too, and says that its due to hit Earth in a few hours, and will wipe out the planet. And the only way to stop it is to use an experimental laser canon, but Rachel reminds him that the canon is nonoperational, but he has a plan. So they rush to Rick’s to look for Candy, but she isn’t there. When Steve tells everyone about the asteroid, Rick declares that since it’s “the end of the world”, drinks are on the house, and he takes Athena into the backroom so they can have sex.

Steve and Rachel rush to Candy’s house and tell them what’s happening. Onboard the spaceship, Dara calls Alana, and confirms that the asteroid is coming and is deadly. Steve asks for a necklace that he gave Candy as a gift, and reveals that the locket contains a secret flash-drive with the missing software needed to fire the laser canon. But then Rachel pulls a gun on everyone, revealing she’s a foreign agent sent to America to steal the software. But Dara, who has been monitoring them all, beams Rachel up to the ship and subdues her. Rachel tries to flirt her way out of the situation, and the two women have sex. But afterwards, Dara ties her up because she still doesn’t trust her.

Steve, Candy, and Alana rush to where the canon is, load the software, and Steve tries to blast the asteroid, but misses. So, with 30 seconds to spare, Alana pushes him out of the way and takes control, firing the canon and she hits the asteroid, destroying it, and saving the world. To celebrate, Alana suggests they have sex, so she Candy and Steve have a threesome. Afterwards, Alana reveals that Dara beamed Rachel back to her own country, we’re she’ll be punished severely for failing to steal the software, and that now Dara and Alana will leave. And they will tell their leader that Earth is an unsuitable planet for colonization, so they’ll just have to keep looking for some other planet. Then she beams up to the ship and she and Dara fly away.

Meanwhile, Steve has realized that life is short, and he is ready to make a serious commitment, so he asks Candy to marry him and she says yes. THE END

Okay, so like I said, this ain’t hard science fiction, Heck, Star Trek’s infamous “technobabble” sounds plausible compared to the tech described in this film. And no one is winning any acting awards, but all of the sex scenes look good, and very realistic. In particular, the three scenes with Erika Jordan really stand out, especially her one on one with Rivers and her threesome with Driller and Stevens. With this following her work in Dirty Blondes From Beyond and Baby Dolls Behind Bars, I’d say Jordan is quickly becoming one of my new favorite softcore actresses. But that’s no slight on the other actresses in this film, Bella, Stevens, Lynn, and Reign were all nice to look at as well. It’s enough to earn this film a Chacebook rating of 4 STARS.

Buy INTERGALACTIC SWINGERS on AMAZON.COM

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