With the Galaxy under attack, Princess Farra (Brandin Rackley) and her beautiful bodyguard (Jazy Berlin) flee to a strange alien planet…Earth! Pursued there by the evil Empress (Christine Nguyen) and her henchwoman, Erika Jordan, the two escaping Space Babes go undercover to elude their enemies and the mysterious Government Agent, the ”Girl in Black” (Jenna Presley). Dirty Blondes from Beyond is an erotic comedy romp with a sci-fi twist from the cult movie experts at Retromedia Entertainment.
This sci-fi softcore film was written by Dean McKendrick and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina). It opens with Princess Farra and her bodyguard Vema are in a spaceship, on route to meet with Empress Krella, to negotiate with her to gain some new technology the Krella has, which is supposed to help stop some terrible storms which are tearing Farra and Vema’s planet apart. We learn quickly that among these two alien races, there are no men, it’s just women. Farra and Vema are also lovers, and have sex on a bed in the spaceship, in a delightful opening scene. Afterwards, they find they find their ships have been double-crossed by the Empress, who has ordered her ships to attack Farra’s fleet. Vema quickly takes Farra to an smaller ship and try to escape the battle in space. Using the cover of an asteroid belt to avoid Krella’s ships, they use hyperdrive to take them to an unexplored region of space, which happens to be our solar system, and they land on Earth. Meanwhile, Krella is angry that Farra’s escaped, because she really wants Farra has her lover, and vows to find her.
Farra and Vema land in a remote area of the woods, seen only by a random hunter (Michael Gaglio) who calls the sheriff. A couple of secret agents dressed in black & white suits and wearing sunglasses, Agent Smith (Alex Boisvert aka Voodoo) and Agent Jones (Jenna Presley), meet the hunter and ask what he saw, and then decide to go searching in the woods to check it out. Meanwhile, there’s also a man named Will (Eric Masterson) who is a UFO-believer who has been monitoring the skies for signs of alien life, and his radar picked up Farra’s ship, and he sets out to find them.
Farra and Vema find a secluded cabin, where they encounter a man named Jock (Evan Stone) who comes out with a shotgun. Vema blasts him with a ray gun which freezes him in his tracks. They’re not sure what to make of him, since they’ve never seen a man before, so they take him inside, and Farra has Vema unfreeze him. Then she sends Vema back outside, to make sure the area is secure, while she and Jock have sex.
Back in space, Krella’s ship has arrived in orbit around Earth, and Krella orders her 2nd-in-command, Tharis (Erika Jordan) to go down to Earth and bring Farra back. Tharis beams down, right next to Farra’s ship, and goes inside, just before Will shows up with his video camera and a radiation tracking device. He goes inside and finds Tharis, who pulls her ray gun on him and demands to know where the Princess is. Will pretends to know what she’s talking about, and agrees to tell her everything if she has sex with him, and Tharis agrees, so they have sex in one of the chairs on the spaceship. Afterwards he offers to use his tracking device to help Tharis find Farra.
Meanwhile, back at Jock’s cabin, Farra, Jock, and Vema are discussing what to do next, they need some kind of equipment to repair their ship, and Jock tells them the nearest town is 40 miles away. Farra suddenly remembers that they never activated the cloaking device on their ship, so Vema does it remotely, just before Agents Smith and Jones arrive at the site where it landed, but now they can’t see anything. Will is still trying to lead Tharis to where the Farra is, but his tracking device isn’t working that well, and when Tharis gets a call from Krella asking for a status report, Tharis freezes Will with her ray gun, then beams back to the ship, and after Krella demands faster action because she’s getting hornier, Tharis offers to be a temporary substitute, and the two women have sex on the spaceship.
Tharis beams back down to Earth, and unfreezes Will, then demands that he hurry up and take her to find the Princess. Agents Smith and Jones arrive at Jock’s cabin. Jock warns the ladies to not say anything about being aliens. Agent Jones takes Farra outisde to question her, and gets her to admit that she’s an alien, and then gets her to have sex with him. Meanwhile, back inside the cabin, Agent Jones, Jock, and Vema end up having sex together in a threesome.
Afterwards, Tharis and Will show up at the cabin, and a gunfight ensues, with Tharis and Vema shooting their ray guns at each other, with the Agents also shooting their regular guns. Vema manages to hit and freeze Tharis, and then beams her back up to Krella’s ship, with an implanted memory in her mind that makes her tell Krella that Farra and Vema died on Earth, due to some radiation in the planet’s atmosphere that is lethal to their species. So, realizes it’s too dangerous to stick around, Krella orders her ship to go back home. Meanwhile, back on Earth, Farra finds a vibrating dildo in Jock’s cabin, which is exactly the device that her ship needs to turn the power back on, so they freeze everyone else and leave. Once they’re back in their ship and leave, Vema remotely unfreezes the others back on Earth, and Will is dejected that he lost his proof of alien life, while Agents Smith and Jones go back into the cabin and have sex.
Overall, a pretty standard softcore B-movie. Nothing spectacular story-wise, and with cheap special effects. But of the 6 full sex-scenes we get a male/female/female threesome and two lesbian scenes, which is a rarity, so that’s good. In particular, Nguyen and Jordan’s scene has to be one of the hottest lesbian scenes I’ve ever seen in a softcore feature (Jordan’s scene with Masterson was also pretty hot). But I feel the movie is missing at least one more sex scene with Nguyen. Still, I’d say this is worth the price of admission, and give it 4 STARS.
Categories: SOFTCORE FILMS