SOFTCORE TELEVISION

LIFE ON TOP episode 16: Vajazzled


George Calin and Christine Nguyen

Written by Joe Savage (based on the novel by Clara Darling) and directed by Jared West, this episode is notable because it’s where Christine Nguyen joins the cast. Being my favorite softcore actress of this era (the mid-2000’s to mid-2010’s), this is good news for me.

Christine plays Lena, who has an interesting connection to the first season. We learn that Cassia, in the first mention of that character this season, opened a restaurant in Paris, which is where she now lives. Lena was her sous-chef, who has just decided to move back to NY, and Bella (Heather Vandeven) offered to let her stay with her and Melissa (Jayden Cole).

The overall plot of this episode is that Melissa, Regina (Brandin Rackley) and Lena all follow Bella’s lead and get vajazzled, which is a real procedure. It’s “the female art of shaving hair around the vagina and replacing it with something sparkly, be it diamonds, glitter or anything found at the newsagent.” READ MORE

Olimpia Olari returns as Svetlana, in her first and only appearance this season, as the ladies get their vajazzling done by her at her salon.

The ladies make a $50 bet as to who can keep their vagina jewelry on the longest, which will require abstaining from sex.

Regina gives in first, after masturbating in her office, she meets and bangs a famous local graffiti artist (George Ford).

Lena gives in nrxt, when she meets Francois (George Calin), a fellow chef who used to work with Cassia. What’s interesting is that Francois had previously appeared in episode 3 of the first season, in which he slept with Maya. Bella points this out, noting that Maya said he was a good lover (obviously trying to tempt her).

Melissa ends up having sex with a hot DJ (Peter Brackett) at Club Embryo, where she works. Although the scene is somewhat cut short. That’s because we also get a sex scene between Melissa’s coworker Doug (Jim Kelly) and Delilah (Kayden Kross) the model we saw Bella shooting with (and then Vincent sleeping with) in episode 14. It was a good scene but didn’t fit the main plot so I would have cut that out in favor of a longer scene with Jayden.

Anyway, Bella ends up winning, as the women all “inspect” each other’s vaginas and she still has her vajazzling intact, this is despite having had sex with her college professor Gabriel (Anthony Wemyss). It’s not explicitly stated, but from the way the sex scene is shot, I got the implication that they only had anal sex, which is how Bella was able to win. Clever twist.

I’m happy to say that with this episode the series finally starts to feel more like season one. The storyline would have fit perfectly with the original cast. It also reminded me of the famous Seinfeld episode, The Contest. The sex scenes were hotter, with the only thing keeping me from giving this episode a perfect rating being the unnecessarily shortened Jayden Cole scene. But this was a welcome return to form for this series. Chacebook rating: FOUR STARS

Jason Majercik is selling Life on Top SEASON 1 & SEASON 2 (FULL SERIES: 26 Episodes) (7 DISCS) for $89.99. Email him at quinn_nash@hotmail.com for his softcore inventory list

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