SOFTCORE FILMS

THE DEVIL WEARS NADA

DevilWearsNada

This is a very rare film. It’s so rare that even it’s IMDB page barely has any cast information. It doesn’t appear to have aired on TV that often, nor ever been given a proper DVD release. I usually only review softcore films that are readily available for purchase or download, I felt like reviewing this one, because it stars a couple of my all-time favorite softcore actresses, Christine Nguyen and Beverly Lynne, and it seems a shame to just let this film be forgotten. So here we go. And, yes, I guess I’m going to “spoil” it, since you may not get a chance to see it anyway.

It was written and directed in 2009 by Jim Wynorski, under the alias Salvadore Ross. Nguyen stars as Candy Cane (seriously), who has just gotten hired (on a trial basis, at least) as the new assistant to Julia Crimson (Lynne), a powerful businesswoman who is the Editor In Chief of Lacey Lady, the biggest Men’s Magazine in the world. Julia is extremely demanding and ruthless with everyone. Brandin Rackley plays Becca, Julia’s assistant for the past year who is getting a big promotion (they never say to what, exactly), but first she has to spend the next week training Candy to Julia’s satisfaction. And that’s the basic premise of the rest of the film, Becca showing Candy the ropes, while trying to stay on Julia’s good sign, which isn’t easy.

Lexi Belle and Katy Magnuson play models Paula and Veronica (although it’s not clear which one is Paula and which one is Veronica). The film opens with the two of them having a nude lesbian sex scene in Hell. Yes, Hell, a cave surrounded by flames, and it’s shot all in red. When it’s over it turns out to be a photo-shoot at the Lacey Lady HQ, the two models were in front of green screen, with the background to be CGI-‘d in later. Wynorski himself plays Sidney, Julia’s chief photographer/director.  He’s notable for carry around a little stick with a fake baby bird on the end, which he calls “Binky” (just accept that).

When we first see Nguyen she’s in a bedroom with Kevin Van Doorslaer, who plays Candy’s live-in boyfriend Frankie. She’s excited about starting her job the next day, and shows off a new nightgown she designed herself, and then she and Frankie have sex.

The next day Becca has to go to an on-location photo-shoot, outdoors by a pool, where Paula and Veronica are arguing over who gets to wear a particular bikini, with each saying it would look better on them because they have a better body than the other. This is holding up the shoot (although there are no crew or cameras anywhere around, but nevermind), so Becca suggests a compromise, saying they should each just do the shoot nude, and let the audience judge who has the better body (they’re both pretty equal in my opinion). The ladies agree, but only if Becca gets nude and joins them, which she somewhat reluctantly agrees to, and then we’re treated to a hot lesbian threesome.

Afterward, Becca returns to the magazine HQ, where Julia reprimands her for having sex with the models (she could smell three different types of perfumes on her). Then Becca goes to greet Candy, and takes her to Julia’s office to introduce her and then leaves. Julia asks Candy about her breasts (are they real and how big are they?) and then says she only hires people with “hand on experience.” Which means she won’t hire someone until she’s had her hands on them. The next thing you know, Julia and Candy are having sex in a shower.

Later Becca is showing Candy around, and introduces her to Mr. Dithers (Chris De Christopher), who she says is the money-man behind the magazine. He’ll be important later on in the film.

We see Sidney out in a park with three new female models for a photoshoot. The characters aren’t named, or credited, but I recognize one as hardcore film star Bridgette B. Sidney is preparing to film the three of them, but first there’s this weird segment where he takes turns asking each one a bunch of random questions. Like:

“You load 16 tons and what do you get?”

“How many eggs are in a baker’s dozen?”

“Who wrote the Gettysburg Address?”

I guess it’s supposed to be funny, as the women get most of the answers incredibly wrong (for example, that the Gettysburg Address was written by…“Getty”), I don’t know if that scene was even scripted or those were their real answers, but it was just a waste of time. After a few minutes of that, the women strip for a lesbian threeway session. That was much better.

That night Candy and Frankie are preparing to go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant to celebrate Candy’s new job. But then Julia calls and demands that Candy go to the office to get some outfits and then take them to Julia’s house. Frankie is disappointed, but Candy has to go.

Candy arrives at Julia’s place where Julia introducers her to Michael, a male model played by Frankie Cullen, for an upcoming photoshoot. But Julia wants to see how Frankie looks with a female model, and since there isn’t one there, she insists that Candy fill-in, and so she and Michael has sex on Julia’s kitchen table, while Julia watches. When it’s over, Candy returns home, to find her boyfriend gone.

The next day at work Candy and Becca talk about working at Lacey Lady, and how good it is for the futures, but also commiserate over the toll it takes on their personal lives. While trying to cheer her up, Becca tells Candy that she just needs 30 minutes in the “love chamber.”

When Candy asks what that is, Becca says “you’ll see.”

devil-wears-nada11

This is probably the hottest scene in the whole film.

Then the ladies meet with Sidney, who says the models who were hired for that days photoshoot never showed up. And since they’re running out of time, Candy suggests that she and Becca do it themselves. So we then get a segment of the two of them posing in sexy dresses, stripping down first to bra and panties and then fully nude, while they dance and fondle and kiss each other some more.

Afterward they present the photos to Julia who is very impressed. We then see the three models, Bridgette B. and the other two from before, out by a pool, complaining about being lost and missing the photoshoot. Since they know they lost the job anyway, they get in the pool for another lesbian threeway. Then we see Candy calling Frankie at home, he was waiting for her because they were going to a broadway show that night, but she once again has to cancel because of her job, which pisses him off. And then we see Candy filming Michael in a threesome on couch with Paula and Veronica.

In the final act, Candy finds out that Julia only remains in power because she has some incriminating photos of Mr. Dithers. She finds and steals the photos and gives them to Mr. Dithers, who then in front of everyone fires Julia. The final shot of the film is Candy and Frankie celebrating together. THE END.

Yeah, storywise it’s pretty simple, but the abundance of sex scenes is great, and all of them are awesome. Especially all of the scenes with Christine Nguyen. She is incredible. I would have liked at least one more Beverly Lynne sex scene, but the one we get is super hot. Likewise, I’ve also been a fan of Brandin Rackley for several years now, and her scenes hot. Really, all of them are. And the best thing about these particular ladies is not only their skill at sex scenes, but they’re also decent actors. They always give their all, no matter how absurd the plot of their films may be. Beverly Lynne is perfect as the bitchy boss, likely Nguyen as the naive newcomer. And although Brandin uses their odd faux-English(?) accent in this film, she’s otherwise very convincing. I can’t recommend this film enough Chacebook rating: 5 STARS

Again, this is hard to find. I lucked out, as someone was selling a copy off it on a DVD-R on IOFFER a few years ago, which I bought. But that seller is gone now, and I can’t find any copies available anywhere. I believe you should be able to find this on various pirating sites. I can’t link to any myself, but if search and find it, I believe you’ll find it worth the effort.

The_Devil_Wears_Nada

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